I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
