So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
