Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just google imaged poop.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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