hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
