Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
