I wanna bring you to show and tell
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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