it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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