Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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