I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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