she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
