to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
