the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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