Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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