It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
