I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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