i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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