He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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