Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
People in love make me want to vomit
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works