had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES