Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already