Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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