Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Randomize
