so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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