We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
