you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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