Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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