why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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