We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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