2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
