Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
