Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
