ya dads aren't the best wingmen
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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