Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
