I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
