Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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