how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
