Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
