if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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