im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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