I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
