she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
