Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
