is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
