Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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