Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
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Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
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You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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