I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Pooping to opera.
Randomize