I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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