I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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