the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
