She announced her abortion via fbk
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
