Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
