i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
