Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
