The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
