I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
