HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!