i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?