I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Im part way to drunk.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.