how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
