not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked