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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??

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• (845): View more from New York

  i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen

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• (418): View more from Quebec

  I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.

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• (914): View more from New York

  I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420

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