need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
