I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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