I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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