The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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