What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
